Standing in Our Own Light: Boosting Self-Esteem through Authenticity

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the
bravest thing we’ll ever do.
Brené Brown

February brings two themes together that are close to my heart: Boost Your Self-Esteem Month and LGBT+ History Month. Both invite us to pause and reflect on how we understand ourselves, how we value ourselves and how we treat ourselves.

They also shine a light on something deeply human: the need to feel seen, respected and valued – not just by others, but by ourselves.

A Moment of Reflection

As you read the following, I invite you to take a slow breath and ask yourself:

Where in my life am I still waiting for permission?
Whose approval am I quietly seeking — and why?
What might change if I validated myself first?
Which part of my identity deserves celebration today?

A Personal Story and Perspective

As a gay man, I have lived through huge societal changes – Equal Marriage, the abolition of Section 28 and shifts in attitudes I could never have imagined growing up in Wales in the 1980s.

Yet my early years were shaped by stigma. The law told me I was “illegal,” as the age of consent was 21. Positive role models were rare. The AIDS pandemic cast a long shadow. And, like many others, I experienced homophobia, and ‘queer bashing.’

I share this not to evoke sympathy, but because this is part of owning my story. My experiences have shaped my values, my work and the pride I feel working alongside people in dementia care and the voluntary sector. Zanele Moholi, the South African visual activist, expresses something I feel deeply:

If I wait for someone else to validate my existence, it will mean that I’m short-changing myself.
Zanele Muholi

These words remind us that self-esteem isn’t something granted from the outside. It is something we intentionally build from within.

For many LGBT+ people – and for people with dementia and other marginalised groups – external validation has often been rare or conditional. Yet people still found ways to stand tall, claim identity, and affirm their own worth long before the world caught up.

What Self-Esteem Really Asks of Us

Self-esteem is often confused with charisma, achievement or confidence. Yet at its core, self-esteem is self-recognition. It’s the courage to say:

“I matter – not because of what I achieve, but because I exist.”

If we wait for others to confirm our worth, we hand over something precious. We place our value in someone else’s hands — hands that may not understand us, celebrate us, or even notice us.

In my work, I often meet people who learned early on to look outward for approval. Many were praised for being useful, quiet or resilient. Many were told they were “too much” or “not enough”. These early messages can stay with us for decades.

But what if we chose to validate ourselves instead?

Learning from LGBT+ History: The Power of Self-Validation

LGBT+ History Month always brings forward stories of courage — not just in protests, but in private acts of authenticity.

Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, one of the first known people to publicly come out in the 19th century, spoke openly about natural diversity in human sexuality. His honesty cracked open a door that others later stepped through.

These acts of self-validation became steppingstones towards change. They remind us that progress often begins with a single person deciding they are worthy of being seen. Today’s activists, artists and community members continue that tradition. Muholi’s work amplifies the lives of people who are often ignored.

Why This Matters for Self-Esteem Month

Self-esteem and identity are closely linked. If we rely solely on the outside world to reflect our worth, we stay vulnerable. But when we ground ourselves in our own values and lived experience, we build resilience.

In my work, I see people flourish when they begin to validate themselves – not with arrogance, but with gentle honesty:

“I am allowed to take up space.”
“I am allowed to have needs.”
“I am allowed to be authentic, imperfect and growing.”
“I do not have to shrink to fit someone else’s comfort.”

Final Thoughts – Standing in Our Own Light

Perhaps the greatest lesson this month is that we sometimes stand in our own light and that:

Our worth is not something we earn — it is something we inhabit.

Boost Your Self-Esteem Month encourages us to nurture that inner foundation. LGBT+ History Month reminds us of those who stood in their own truth long before society validated them. And Muholi’s words remind us to not shortchange ourselves by waiting for permission.

So, this February, may you stand a little taller. May you be a little kinder to yourself. And may you find the courage — in big ways or small — to say:

“I will no longer shortchange myself.”

Over to you to Release Your Potential

Consider:

What did you think and feel whilst reading this Pause for Thought?
How does it apply to your life and work?
What could you do differently in the future?
If you succeeded, what would success look, sound and feel like – for you and others?